I am feeling angry today. It is muggy, but I need to go for a long, fast run; that is the only thing I can think will help. I can't even describe how deep my anger is. We all have these times. I use to have an anger managment issue that I spent years fighting so I've tended ever since then to be afraid of my anger. Those of you who've known me for years- but I don't think anyone-except Jeanette- has seen my "Waterloo side". I went through a lot as a kid so I use to be closed off and a little on the tough side. I guess it would be good for me to get some of that back and boy am I feeling it today. I hope I can go through my anger without hurting God or anyone close to me. I have no intention of hating anyone or hurting anyone but I think sometimes a side effect of life's trials is a person toughens up. This experience has changed me so I'm not sure I will ever be the same again, but more like I use to be when I don't know was really the best. I'm not sure the people who know me now will really like me if I toughen up again, but sometimes a person has to survive and prepare for what the future might bring. I appreciate prayers more still. Maybe God is allowing my anger to help me survive; I don't know. Not trying to be mysterious; several of you have gone through difficult times- nothing major right this minute ;just a change. I wish more than anythign I was at home with my brother Ryan so I could say, "Ryan I need to fight" and we would box. Every once in a while I use to feel the need to physically fight-that is how emotions were dealt with in my house. Then I learned sometimes that feeling is really sadness; we weren't allowed to cry as children-only weak people cry esp women. I could so use a boxing match right now. I hope I can continue to feel sadness without always being angry, but sometimes its more than anger more raw. Ryan use to let me hit his body bag-what an awesome feeling. My brothers would hit me and throw me around I use to be quite a scrappy fighter.

I hope you all are well. We have had an overall great weekend. THe kids and I tried a new church this morning and so far we love it.
Frank taught me to use a few power tools and I made a Viking chair. I get to attend an upcoming event for S.C.A. with him so I'm pretty excited. It will be my 1st full event and we think we can attend sans kids. Woo hoo! I'm excited and nervous. If the event were today I would be just fine- my anger is greater than my nervousness.

Okay so obviously I still need prayers to stay in God's will.

A Glorious Sunday to you all!

Jennifer